By Bunmi Sofola
According to Andy, a relationship counsellor, these five steps come in handy when you want to save a troubled marriage:
*When you’re in a hole, stop digging. Under pressure, we tend to try the same failed strategy again and again. Even though we know pushing for an answer; getting angry or going silent doesn’t work, we imagine doing it one more time (but bigger, louder or far longer) will change things. It won’t.
*Stop playing tit-for-tat. He does something horrible and you match him. Soon it is become a race to the bottom.
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*Just for a second, put your feelings to one side and step in your partner’s shoes.
How does your relationship look now and what would you like to do differently.
*Make a full apology. This is different from saying sorry. First acknowledge any behaviour that you regret; next, identify how this might have made him feel, and then apologise. Please don’t explain why you acted as you did – that’s for another day – because it can sound like an excuse and lessen the power of your apology.
*Be the big one.If you love your husband – and if not, why are you spending hours talking about him to your girl-friends – do you love him enough to give without any expectation (in the short term) of getting anything back.
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